You really coming over, don't trick.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
