Only a mothe r could love this liver
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
