the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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