I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
