brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
