Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
