so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize