oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
