I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize