last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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