New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
