It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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