My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How does one acquire holy water?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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