We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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