I didn't shave. On purpose
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
