beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
