whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
