The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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