So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
