they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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