PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
This house was built for laser tag.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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