Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
