dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
