Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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