sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
