You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
