So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
