is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize