Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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