I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
