Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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