When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
