You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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