I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
