Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize