I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
