my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
