Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
