I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
