i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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