My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
