no, he came in my armpit
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
