on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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