I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
