she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
