I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We have so much sex to catch up on
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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