Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
