I think im going to throw up on grandma
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize