My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
