Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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