Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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