her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
not ubering you a puppy
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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