OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
