Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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