We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
