So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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