i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
