we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
