Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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