and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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