he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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