she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
