i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize