I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
