I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
