i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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