If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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