Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
this hospital has no fireball
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
