Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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