the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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