I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
