Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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