yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
