I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
