I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
